my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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