Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
