Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
