i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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