What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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