So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
