Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
