So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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