Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
