Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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