Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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