I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize