I'm lost and stupid without you.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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