Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
