Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
