i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize