whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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