Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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