I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
