Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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