im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
