My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
