he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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