your room smells of hookers.
And success
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
