So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
