i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
