I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
