That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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