Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
