he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
