OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize