How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
