once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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