sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
