I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize