i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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