You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
