so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
