I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's the barista slut.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
