Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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