I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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