I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
