checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
