that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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