Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
