Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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