Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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