you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Semen is not good for contacts.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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