She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
