Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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