I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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