To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
