I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
