i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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