Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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