nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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