I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
