12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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