I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
