So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
