Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
