i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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