ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
