I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
