Just fell off a train. Bad.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
