She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
