Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
