The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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