I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
