smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
