i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
