He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
