remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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