there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
