The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
