Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize