i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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