did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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