I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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