I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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