It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
