lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
