The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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