I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
