You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
