The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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