ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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