Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize