I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
