mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
