Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
