forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
