I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize