So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
