i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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