the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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