she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
