I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
