Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
